tad bit

From where I sit

I see a girl happy in her skin

she’s sad underneath

but it’s negligible to most

Key word: most

In my frame of sight

I see her fight with her family, regretfully;

I see her fight with a man, harmlessly;

I see her fight with herself, usually;

End of the line she's grateful

but she is tired

even though she doesn't want to be

There are these moments in her life

When she's excited for a day to come

but when it does arrive

it laughs in her face

it mocks her faith

her enthusiasm threatens to dribble down her cheeks

but she just widens her eyes

because one time someone told her

"if you stretch your eyes, you won't cry"

And hey, it works

she has this little set of people

that she allows in her space

to let them make her feel happy

that is one complicated sentence

but you get it

she now cries in peace

not to release and let go

but to express, see it for herself and show the world

what she's proud of

today she was proud of the love

she put out into the world

today she was proud of being kind

when she wasn't feeling the best

today she felt proud of being nice

even when they didn't deserve it

the world saw her as someone who's "too nice"

she thinks she's selfish in a way

but nobody's perfect, right?

she sits with me and watches her life like a movie

no, that's cliché

she watches it exactly how life put it out for her

along with the bad parts

along with the good parts

today she chooses to focus on both

she is still afraid of a lot of things

but she's not afraid to take a chance

"I'm ready" she says

"For whom?" I ask

"They know" she says

"Are you sure?" I ask again

"Hopefully" she says, per usual

she still fights with herself

harmlessly yet painfully

but I think

she hopes for things way too much

but never asks for it out loud

she knows they care

and simply trusts

but never tests

she thinks they will remember

so she never reminds

I think she is smart

but just a tad bit stupid

I think she is warm

but just a tad bit cold

I think she is hopeful

but somewhere she knows it won’t work

She stops me here

asking me to wrap it up

“Enough, my love. What is it that you really want to say?”

and this is what I want to say about my alter ego,

that she's the happiest

when she's just a tad bit sad

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